Sunday, January 08, 2006

Just one

We woke up really early.

Okay, Brendon woke up really early to have a shower which gave me some more time to sleep but then I had to drag myself out of bed. I didn't want to get up. I wanted to stay nice and warm under my covers and not have to go to the airport at all. I wanted him to stay put exactly where he was and not ever have to leave, again.

I didn't bother putting on my makeup knowing that I'd probably cry it all off anyway. We've done it plenty times before and now we were doing it again. Going to the airport, having to say goodbye, last embraces and having that horrible, empty, draining feeling choke you up, weigh heavy in your gut and cause your eyes to constantly tear and puff up red. You'd think you'd get used to it by now, but you don't.

Waving goodbye through the gates, I swear I could have heard something in both of us just crack. Once he walked through, I quickly turned around and made my way back to board the bus. I was doing okay until he called me on my phone when he got inside the departure lounge. Even though hearing his voice was just what I needed, it also made me feel so sad at the same time.

I dreaded going into my now empty and very quiet apartment. His suitcase not in the corner. Making one cup of tea. One towel hanging in the bathroom. Not two toothbrushes on the sink. Just one. Everything just seemed to spark the tear ducts again and again. I busied myself with laundry, ironing, cleaning, vacuuming, reading - anything that would keep me busy and my mind otherwise occupied.

Brendon - Thanks so much for everything. I really appreciate you taking leave to come visit me in Japan again. It means so much to me. You mean so much to me. Spending Christmas and new years together with you was more than I could ask for. I'm so sorry that pursuing a dream of mine means putting us in the LDR category and I can't thank you enough for being the wonderful and supportive person you are and for everything you've done for me. I miss you so much.


At 12:42 am, Blogger -d. said...

Hello, I stumbled upon your blog through Karen's and this post that you wrote is something so close to my heart as well.

I know it's sooooo damn hard but hang in there, girl! :) Brendon sounds like a real gem.


Post a Comment

<< Home